Well it is finally happening, I have decided that there is a point in my life that I will and can take the time to take care of my needs. For years I have found that there is something in my life that has always kept me from taking care of me. Is it a martir complex? Is it the fear of just not taking care of the children's needs if I take care of me? Or that the Frog Prince made me feel guilty for doing absolutely anything for myself?
Who really knows? I mean really if I were to try and evaluate those parts of me that I don't get we would be here for a freaking long time!(No joke folks! Its like a Rubix cube in there!) So I took the time to just decide what it is that I want from and for my life. Now don't go thinking that I have the idea that I deserve or am entitled to everything and anything that I want but guess what? I just might be!
You see I have decided that the next time I give my heart to ANYONE I have to be loved, appreciated, taken care of and plain just enjoy the heck out of their company! I need to be able to come to them with my fears, needs, dreams, passions, and concerns and have them all met with an open heart.
I have in the past become so dedicated to the dreams and wants of the Frog Prince that as I stand today at 30 years old I am just a shadow of the girl that I once was. How is it that when we believe we are in love, we are so very quick to forget who and what we are? I mean think about it, you find out that the special someone in your life is a huge supporter of say PETA, and you are a huge meat eating carnivore! You like them, you want to make them like you, and often it is with these emotions that you are able to push who and what you are a little further towards what they want. Now I am of course using an extreme example but think about how many times you wore a shirt because your partner liked it , even though you really didn't? Or how when you were a die hard people person but chose to change that because your significant other can't stand crowds?
These are of course a variety of examples, and I by no means believe that you shouldn't give and take in a relationship. But when you become the giver, and you loose you, there needs to be a line that you just don't budge on. There should be a respect with the other person so that when you are truly passionate about something they understand, and support you. I am not saying that if you are into leaving the cap off the toothpaste and they are not that you should jump ship!(that would just be stupid) But I am saying if you are compassionate about a new direction that you want to take in your life that your partner and you are able to sit down and negotiate terms that are great for both of you.
So in my new life I have made changes. I have decided that I and no one else will dictate what and were I go. That I and only I will decide were my money that I make goes. And that if I am passionate about a career, or life path, it is up to me and my children on how we are going to achieve it. I am a mother first and foremost, they must and always will come before anyone else. This may sound a bit tough for most, but for the right person they will get it. They will get that my children are the only priority that I have and will have for quite awhile, and if they want to embrace me and the children they are more than welcome to come for the adventure of a lifetime, but if they can't they need to step away from the plate and move on.
I have been blessed with very good, dear, loving friends, and I have also been privileged to share me and my family with those that I have met. I want so much for who ever wants me, to take on the babies as his own, and so far I have seen great want, caring, and involvement with me and my children's needs. So now that I am getting to were I need to be for my lil family, I am now looking into the next adventure: My Passion For Cooking, Baking, and Entertaining
I have decided that I will blog on the trials and tribulations of the now single mom of four, who is going towards the one and only passion that she has ever known. To work in a job that I love, and to finally use all of loves of my life to make money!
Now don't worry I will still blog on starting over at 30, and even add the additional blog about the fun that I have with my lil ones! So no worries! Just join me on my newest adventures in this crazy life!
