So as many of you know from my blog, I am really not a fan of mean people. I don't really see that there is a place for them in the world. But then I regress, because there are those times in my day, month, year, life that I wonder why I was able to be so mean?
For example. As you have read there was such a mean lady that decided to speak about me in a not so nice or truthful manner and I was well mad to say it plainly. But then I can't say mean things and not feel bad. I know it is the worst! You know it would rock if I could go say mean things, and then not feel guilt for the way I spoke. I am not one who can just push my conscience to the side even when I know that I am simply defending myself.
This has always been a shortcoming of mine. Often because I attack like a viper with words first, and then I feel guilt for my words. Now this isn't the way it is for every reaction to meaness. You see if you hurt someone I love (mom,kids, sisters, friends, partner) you will go down! Oh ya, I can fight to the end for them and feel no regret for my words or actions if I am defending their well being.
For years I have often wondered how I am able to feel guilt for just stating my opinion or feelings to those that are mean or backing me into a corner. But then if someone does or says the same thing to someone I love I am able to come at them with no fear?
And this is were I think I have that mommy instinct. You know how if you make a mamma bear feel threatened and she kills you to protect her cub? Ya this is sooooo ME! I feel that I can take what I believe they can't, and when it comes to me I just deal. I deal with violence, mean words, and even mean looks because as long as they are safe and secure I can deal.
This is really were I believe I gave the power to the Frog Prince. You see, if he was just being mean to me then I could take it. But if he even hinted at being mean to one of the babies, then I wouldn't back down. I would take all that he dished and gladly, because if that meant they wouldn't have too I would.
But now in my new life, there are things that I won't take and it took me for ever to even figure out what these were. And with help from my lil sis, and family, and friends I came up with my what I can take list.
I can take........
Stress (for our life starting, kids, etc)
Tears (of joy,love,concern)
Honesty(huge issue trust me and be honest)
Trust(I can't doubt the intentions)
Love (uncoditional can't breath with out me love)
Kindness
Being Cherished(sis she thinks someone needs to spoil me???me not so much)
Adventure
Support
Adored (this is my sis she thinks there should be a man who can't live with out me lol)
Someone to always be there at night. (me, I need to have that other person with me at night)
Love me, Love my children (sis and I both think that who ever takes me on will need to treat the babies like their own not step children)
Sense of Humor( sis and I huge issue if we didn't laugh at life we would be depressed!)
Remember the little things (so ya I am a huge moment sentimental girl, dates we met, or first kissed are huge to me corny yes, but I am a sensitive girl and my sis says I deserve this lol)
What I can't take....
Cheating
Violence (physical, verbal, mental)
Dishonesty
Not trusting me
Talking down to me
Not wanting children. (I have four they are not going anywhere)
Keeping me in the house (I do like going in public believe it or not)
Age as an issue (I am young with lots of babies not stupid, or unaware of life)
Putting me down in public (don't put me down to make you look smarter, or better than me)
Not showing me affection
Forgeting or ignoring birthdays, holidays, anniversary's (yes these are important to me)
Not proud of being with me
Now I am sure that this list of what I can't take will change, because I am human and assume certain things I once thought were huge will change to not that big of a deal. One thing that is the first and foremost of my needs list though not listed is the want for another person who is willing to work as a team for a common goal in our life together. This means family, home, life, love. I don't want the money cause money comes and goes, yes it is nice but it is not what I want my family based on. Also I want a partner not someone who takes over. I don't need rescued I need to be loved, supported, and cared for.
