After leaving the Frog Prince. I had to start thinking about what I needed for my kids. This was hard, I wanted out of a bad relationship but was I going to be able to do this?
At first I didn't cry. I didn't cry when he called, or when he showed up at my mom's drunk and the cops had to detain him. I didn't cry when everyone else was. You see I figured that our marriage was like a binding contract. It had stipulations for both parties to follow, and when he had broken all of them our contract was null and void.
I got a lawyer a good lawyer! I was efficient I wrote down our debts/assets/and what I wanted. I went to court and faced the ex with my head held high. I gave him the house, four of the five cars, the boat, motorcycle, furniture, you name it I gave it. I wanted out, all I wanted was my babies. Now should you go through a divorce you will see that our lawyers often have to do the rational thinking because quite frankly I wasn't. I had tunnel vision, and that was to get a job with one of the three degrees that I have, and to move my children far away from all the drama of our small town.
But as they say plans don't always go the way you plan them, and that goes for divorce's too. I am in the fight of my life for my lil ones, and for the money that I have a right too. As for the job, its going to happen I just have to hope that it will. Because, even on those days that all I want to do is die, God is there to say "Just Breathe".
I found that I had to rely on me for what I needed, and no one else! No this was the hard part. I hadn't been with another man since I was 16! Ya and when your a 30 year old with four kids, and a crazy ex you can only imagine the fear I had when it came to men! I did try to be that single unattached girl that went to dinner, dancing, and movies. I tried to be in the mind set of Samantha off of Sex & the City, but in all reality I was Charlotte the whole time. I love monogamy, and the thought that I couldn't once again have that was frightening!
But after three failed attempts of dating, I finally had to come to the realization, that I needed to find me before I could mesh with anyone else. This is the scariest part for me. I was raised that you marry, have babies, and live in suburbia and nothing bad ever happens.
Now the reality is when you marry at 18, you are going to change! Yep that's right, you aren't going to stay that trusting, innocent, willing to please girl forever. I was always wanting more. I wanted an education, so I got one I busted my booty at college for two years and got my first degree in Business, and then decided that I wanted one in Early Childhood Ed. too, and then I decided that I needed to go with what I loved and worked night after night to get my Bachelors in Forensic Psych. You see I thought if I had an education those that had once looked down on me as just being a stay at home mom, would get that I was not stupid that I was just waiting for my kiddos to go to school before I started my career.
The sad thing is though, my Frog Prince was not supportive of my education at all! He viewed it as a threat, as a way to get away from him. Can anyone say Control Freak? And when I got a job, he was not the happiest person ever. It didn't matter how happy I was or how it helped us financially, it was just me trying to ruin his life and our family.
So now here I am with all these degrees, no husband, no job and babies to take care of. Can I do this?
